Relationships - Strained, and Prelude to.

Now Playing : "Chinaberry Tree" - Mew

I have only four hours before I have to put an end to a too-comfortable slumber but I thought I should say a few words first, especially since I know the two darlings will be back here soon enough.

First darling;

I realized a few things tonight. Not about to start making lists, but one of them was that the mending of my stained relationship with a cousin had been put off for far too long. When he left, he did so much for me than he could ever know (or maybe he does in some supernatural way) and now I want to make amends. 

There is barely any fond memories that I can remember of us both beyond our princess-and-fairies make believe games we played when I was six and I know most, if not all, of it was my fault. I had been the angry, bitter, depressed and reclusive family member you didn't know existed and I had wanted nothing to do with everyone for reasons I can't even remember now.

Yes, you're right, I hid it well. 

But now, I think I'm a different better person. I want you to know that I'm going to make an effort to say hi to you and an effort to not ignore your messages. I'll even try to be less pissed when you disappear from the conversation entirely even though it annoys me to bits. I hope we can become better cousins than how I've been.

I hope you don't mind me posting this shot.

 It's absolutely brilliant and I love it!

I don't regret making this effort with K. I'm glad I did.

This reminds me that I've got an army of not just cousins but also aunts, uncles and a rather weathered lady with whom I share quite silent yet reverberantly loud strained relationships. These, however, I'm not quite ready to forgive and I repeat, we do NOT share anything in common, not even blood. Don't expect an easy forgiveness if you are going to steal and hurt the ones I love.

Second darling;

I stumbled across by accident something you had hoped to keep private, for perhaps as long as you live. In fact, you tried exceedingly your best. You'll know it's you when you spot me on your blog roll. I do expect you to get angry at this innocent intrusion of privacy, but hear me--believe me--when I assure you that as soon as I realized how much it was supposed to be private, I stopped reading. 

I do not want to jump back into having a strained friendship with you after having climbed out of that over the last three years of university. 

For what it is worth, I was enthralled by every last bit of what I did read. Ever since the day I knew you in 2005, I felt that you could be an awesome writer from the way you spoke in class. Tonight, I found out that you really are an expressionist with words and the ideas that I have so long (and perhaps silently, though I vaguely recall mentioning it to you in passing) admired you for.

I promised *Mira* that I would keep mum about hers...and I expect to do the same with yours.