Delicate

Now Playing : "Delicate" - Damien Rice

Several days ago, a friend had sent me this link:  You Know You're In Love With A Military Man When... with presumably the best intentions (I highly doubt otherwise, because I do not think she is that sort of person) because it was something that concerned me and I am appreciative of her thinking of me. So, whatever I'm about to say, do not take this post personally, dear friend.

I identified with 25 out of 35 "signs".

I identified with Item No.12 the most. 

The list was written out of humor, but it only made me sadder.

Perhaps for a person who does not know what it's like being in my position may have read that post with the humor it had meant. Maybe some even found it romantic...and if they did, I can see why; Hollywood has romanticized it. 

But reading that list made me even more aware of how rather unfortunate it is for a person in that situation--how my situation is. Yes, one may think that it is indeed romantic having these little things brighten up your day but that is just it; you have crumbs to keep you from dying of hunger but you rarely ever get to have the full meal. 

When you do, it is over too soon. And then you go back to crumbs.

Then you wait. Indefinitely.

I feel almost everything on that list, everyday, for the past three-plus years and I'm still feeling it. Reading about what I'm uncontrollably feeling unfortunately, is a second stab to the heart. Yes, I can't sit down and watch a decent war themed movie without wanting to burst into tears either. I don't want to be reminded of all the worry, the loneliness, the "what ifs", the heartache, the longing, the crumbs. 

Call me a worrywart if you will. Take this person away and my world will crumble. I've earned the right to worry. 

In the meantime, I just do the best I can.

...and I never give up hope.