Worrywart

A few days ago, a friend had asked me what I thought my weakness was.

For a long time, I had always assumed it was food since I've been really overweight all my life--well, that is up until this year. 

Something happened tonight that has made me suddenly realize that I was wrong. 

My biggest weakness, is infact, my tendency to become paranoid even at the smallest of worries and doubts.

Food, I can control. I've learnt that.

To stop worrying, I've yet to master the art. 

Tonight's incidence--for all I know--is probably nothing at all, but I realize that even the smallest things striking at heart can make me worry to death. Then I get paranoid. Really paranoid. 

It was something I did a month ago out of excitement even though quite premature...but it was something to be happy about, nonetheless. Nobody noticed, which was good and I liked it that way. Then tonight I happily extended the hand of assimilation to a couple of important people, foolishly forgetting about what I had done. Then so many people started noticing.

And now they know.

The most frustrating thing is that the internet disguises a reaction.

News travels extremely fast. Based on one foolish act, I may have thrown several important people's emotions around. Assumedly, if the worst case scenario goes. It's not the fact that I don't want them to know--I do, I'm just not the one who's supposed to tell them. The one person who can make me feel better is unavailable. This, makes me worry all the more so.

I can't stop worrying. I can't sleep and I have a stomachache. 

I want to be able to tell myself and believe when I say "it's probably nothing to be worried about" / "you'll be fine" / "it'll work out" yadda yadda...

But I can't bring myself to believe it.

Even after being proved wrong on so many occasions. 

How do I stop?