Fishy situation

The thermos ;)

Now Playing : "Autumn Leaves" - Oscar Peterson Trio

I am starving. Like, really, really starving. If my stomach could speak, it would be screaming in agony right about now.

It's almost 6pm and I've only had an insane 155 calories today. How could this happen?

My lunch did it.

I bet your eyes bulged. It's quite a funny story too, although at the expense of my stomach. You see, last night I made a broth with sutchi catfish, onion and carrots to bring to class today for my low calorie lunch. I was really excited because I don't think I've ever made something and then brought it to class to eat.

Then 12pm came and I took out my thermos where I've plunked in my fish and soup. I was already famished so I pressed the nozzle open and poured out a little on a spoon to drink. Mmmmm....! My stomach, now aware that I was going to finally give it food, started to ring the alarms. Feed me! Feed me!

I twisted. I turned. I twisted and turned. Clockwise. Anti-clockwise. Clockwise again. Twist. Turn. Twist. Ouch, my hands! 

The darn thing wouldn't open! I tried to open my thermos for a continuous staggering 1 hour 15 minutes until finally, with my stomach still begging to be fed, stopped and gave up. My hands were extremely sore and I could neither twist nor turn it any longer.

I had to give up all hope on eating the yummy fish pieces inside and had to settle for just drinking the soup...which ended up being barely sufficient since there was only an exact calculated portion of 245ml of soup in there.

I think I would have died of starvation if I had decided to skip breakfast that morning. Heck, breakfast didn't even suffice. One piece of toast and light Laughing Cow cheese spread barely held me up until noon.

So now it's 6pm, and all I've had is one measly piece of toast, a Laughing Cow wedge and 245ml of fish broth. Sigh.

Although I hate starving like this, the one and only consolation that all this chose to happen today was the day of the Brazilian buffet dinner that I'm most likely going to eat a lot of in approximately two hours. 

After all, what better way than to splurge my remaining 900++ calories on? :P

Food, bring it on!

My poor sore hand!

Update : I just came back from the Churrascaria and needless to say, I ate a day's worth of calories in dinner alone. :|

One Day

I've never really thought about the kind of body I want to achieve when I finally lose all the unwanted weight, so I've decided to compile a pictorial list. I guess by looking at the first few pictures below, you can pretty much guess that most of them literally scream sex. Ah...I can fantasize, can't I? :P Anyhoo, if ever I really manage to get any of the first four bodies, you can bet I'm absolutely gonna put off having kids until I'm at least 80 years old (lol just kidding...obviously) ! Have to enjoy my new shell, ya know! ;)

Jessica Simpson

Kristin Kreuk

Britney Spears

Megan Fox

Bodies that I don't want to end up getting. Ever.

Jessica Alba

(Ok, I know most of you think I'm nuts and yes, I'll agree she has a rockin' bod but it's much too toned for my liking)

Keira Knightley

(Ditto on the toned abs)

Britney Spears

(On the other end of the spectrum, I don't want that tummy!!)

Angel Boo-boo

Now Playing : "Pines of Rome" - Ottorino Respighi

Well folks, I made a big boo-boo today.

I've took up the habit of planning all my meals daily ever since I started my weight loss regimen. Today however, by morning I had planned my breakfast and dinner, but not lunch since that is usually left open because I tend to eat out almost everyday for that meal.

Anyway, as I made my way home from class, my mother had announced that she had made spaghetti marinara. Ooooh! Her marinara sauce is to die for and so I had nicely figured out what would be my lunch today.

As soon as I got home, I logged in the appropriate amount of spaghetti I should have to remain within my limits and then zoomed downstairs to finally eat it. I plonked 250 grams of spaghetti on to my plate and another 250 grams of the homemade marinara sauce. It was a lot of spaghetti, but it would give me about 500+ calories which fit nicely into my planned out menu.

And so, I tucked in.

After I had devoured the entire plate of spaghetti did I only then realize that what I just ate wasn't spaghetti but instead angel hair pasta. Oh no! Sure, it was still pasta but with angel hair pasta you get more pasta for the same volume weight of spaghetti. Uh oh, how much pasta have I eaten?!

I ran upstairs, jumped on to my beloved calorie counting companion and found out that I did in fact not eat 500+ calories of spaghetti but instead 719 calories in angel hair pasta alone!! 

Needless to say, this shot up my calories for the day much, much higher than I would have liked it to. After all, I am aiming to lose that one last pound (for now anyway) which would enable me to have that delectable ban chang kueh and I've only got 9 days left to do it!

It's so funny but mannnn...never again.

Bierhaus Birthday

Just came home from a birthday outing for Fred (Happy 18th!) and we tried this new German restaurant (well, it was new to us!) at the Curve called Bierhaus...something. I can't remember the whole name. It was a really nice place and thank god I wasn't on a diet today because the food was fatty yet excellent! My only complaint was that I wished I had tried the beer since I've always wanted to try German beer but I don't like beer in general so pooh! Anyway, it was a blast and here are some photos I snapped tonight! Enjoy!

Ps : I couldn't get a picture of Mario, he seemed to shy away from the camera! :(

The birthday boy!

There were friends...

There was food...

There was fun!

There was me! *smirk*

Best of all, there was cake!!

Just one more...!

Ban Chang Kueh

Just one more pound to go...one more!!! before I can sink my teeth into a delectable, scrumptious, sinfully good ban chang kueh!!

Oooooh...!

Just Another Day At The Bookstore

These pictures speak for themselves ;)

*Smirk*

Further proof that the Bahasa Melayu/Malaysia (who can keep track?!) is goin' down!

Uh, what?

Spelling error?

I came across this advert while online and stopped in my tracks as I gazed upon the slogan "Experience Instant Getification". 

Uh...

What exactly does "getification" mean? I've looked it up, nobody knows what it means. Could it be a spelling error or a pun?

Yippee!!

Boo-yah!

I lost another 4 pounds!!

I lost another 4 pounds!!

*sings to the ice charades song*

Mwuahahaha!

Goodbye, Heath

RIP Heath

It was the first thing I saw this morning...Heath Ledger is dead. I wasn't even sure what I was reading was correct and thought it was just my sleepy eyes but then I read it a second time. Then third. Fourth. Fifth. 

It all said the same thing.

Heath Ledger is dead.

That was this morning. It's past midnight now and I still can't believe that he's just suddenly so...gone. Less than a week ago it was Brad Renfro, and now him? What is going on?

Normally, I wouldn't be so worked up over an actor's death--especially one revolving around drugs but for Heath, this is just so unexpected. Too unexpected.

It is truly tragic. He really was one of those actors that had an exceptional screen presence and his acting was nothing to mock at. He was as good actor and his films were all brilliant and he made the silver screen industry a little brighter with his talent.

I've been a big fan of his since I first saw him in 10 Things I Hate About You. I'm sure if I ever saw any of his movies I would feel really sad that he will no longer grace the screen with his presence. 

Watching Dark Knight would be painful. Everyone's eyes will be peeled for him. Not for Batman, not for Christian Bale or any other big movie star name in that movie. 

No.

All eyes will be on Heath Ledger and the last of his greatness.

RIP Heath Ledger

You will be sorely missed.

Bah!

Another day, and I still haven't lost a pound!!

I am soooo pissed off.

The Scale Is My Frenemy Pt. 3

Now Playing : www.solopianoradio.com

I'm a little bit peeved at myself. What I thought I had lost came right back, as if it never really left in the first place. I have absolutely no explanation for it nor can I find one other than excessive water retention from having too much sodium.

I guess downing over two litres of water in the last hours of the night didn't help squat.

When I look into the mirror, I see a little difference. I can see that I've lost, but I just really hate it when that doesn't reflect on that stupid thing that I step on everyday. So scale wise, I've gone back to being stuck in a rut for two weeks. I want it to move, and move faster!! 

This is so frustrating. I've been good, I haven't binged in a long time and I've kept to my limits each day (except some special occasions and cheat days) and I've tried my best to keep more active than my past sedentary lifestyle. 

Does anyone know how much an electronic scale would cost? Preferably the kind that tells you your fat percentage and all that as well. I should probably invest in one and see if that makes a difference.

Lei Kong Meh ah?

Not sure if this is laced with some subliminal political message...

That Darn Dog!

Now Playing : "Dream" - Michael Buble

Well, my dog *finally* came back home. But oooh, if she could talk, I'd scold her to the high heavens! Making us worry for her safety like that for three days and we should too, because she came back really dirty and there were black patches all over her fur! What has she been doing--making drain tunnel trips?? Would explain why we couldn't find her, though. She's terribly skinny, and we fed her some food but even that she didn't seem to want to finish so I reckon she must've found some grub from trash cans. 

Either way, I am really glad that she managed to find her way home. She really isn't that great of a street wise dog and I was really, very worried that she'll end up as roadkill. You ask, why don't we chain her up or make her wear a collar or even those torso thingies? My dog is freakin' smart. I don't know how she does it, but no matter how tight or fastened we make her wear option A, B or C, she always manages to squeeze out from it. What the heck! So in the end, we just gave up. Sigh!

Yep. I'm real happy that she'll get to spend rest of her life with us here at home and never, ever as an accident or of cruel fate.

Back

SHE'S BACK!!

Kindred Spirit(-ing Away)

Now Playing : "Snowflake" - Mew

It is really, really late and I should be sleeping right now because I have to be up in less than five hours but something just too close to heart has persuaded me to blog. This post is one of reflection, and is not meant to credit or discredit any party and certainly not to put myself on a holier-than-thou pedestal.

I am not a social butterfly, I have never pretended to be. What handful of friends that I do have I keep close to heart and adopt this philosophy of friendship that if you belong in my hand, you are unconditional.

Unconditional: In my vocabulary it means that I have respect for you. Anything I do or plan to do, you will be among my first thoughts. Your welfare, my worry, my relief. Your sadness, my sadness. Your happiness, mine. Your space, yours as I will not invade but a curiosity remains because I'd like to know if you're okay. Falling short of dire ethic values, anything you want me to do, it's done. Because you are my friend and I will never see a need to be calculative, critical and uncomfortable without communication. That's what friendship means to me. Unconditional.

But, how do you save a dying friendship?

What do you do next after your efforts have been in vain and the friendship is still dying?

As I reflect back over the years, that has been the single most difficult challenge. I have made and lost many good friends so far in my life, and it doesn't get any easier even with experience. Why? Why doesn't it just get easier?

Because each friendship you make which you hold dear to your heart you want to try to save it with all you can because that person means something to you and you consider all the trouble to save it is worth it.

Forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance are learned attributes. And yet, armed and geared with the most gung-ho of all motivation to save a friendship from expiring and with all the FTA qualities you keep in your pocket, WHAT MORE CAN YOU REALLY DO when your friend acknowledges that the both of you can probably never go back and yet, choose not to communicate those feelings and bite their tongue instead?

Do you just give up? It seems like such a waste to and I refuse, for as long as I can, to be the first one who does. Does that make me in denial for not accepting that a person you used to be kindred spirits with no longer is your kindred spirit?

Maybe, but I would really be insulted if that got translated into me being afraid to lose a friendship. I am not possessive and yes, I can live without the friendship but I don't plan on it yet because as I said, if someone is an unconditional and I will try my best to keep on trying until I hit a wall.

I just didn't expect that wall would ambush me from underneath.

Maybe I didn't learn from experience after all. Where have I gone wrong in being too nice to my friend that I get taken for granted? What in the world did I do that the person felt was so wrong that I've become unforgivable, intolerable, and unworthy?

Most importantly, why isn't the person saying ANYTHING to the one person who needs to hear it?

Sometimes I wish that in saving friendships, for once the other person would just tell me how they really feel instead of me having to rely on non-verbals. But they hurt just as much as the cold and distant verbalizations do. If that person resents being my friend, then please, I beg for this person to hurt my feelings and just tell me. If he or she can't stand me, then please, for goodness sake, tell me. A friendship no matter how kindred will die without communication anyway.

I am human, and there is only so much a human heart can take.

Do one last thing as a friend, and tell me the truth...because I no longer want to keep on wondering what he or she is feeling and wondering where all the poison is coming from. I've tried, and I've tried hard and if it does nothing fruitful to this cause then I've said my piece and can do nothing but wait for the person upstairs to take over and guide me to a peace of mind.

Please think of me fondly as you once did.

I want this pig!!

Oooooh...!!

Shirt On Mah Stomach

Don't ask about the pose. I don't know how it got there. Meh.

Ask where I got the new shirt instead ;)

I wanna take a few moments to say...

thank you for your support and tolerance

in putting up with my attempt at a lifestyle change

Family:

For being extremely supportive and encouraging in every way of my never ending struggle with food and weight. I'm incredibly grateful to everyone.

Mom:

For taking time out to cook low fat and healthy dishes for me to eat...and peelin' those tangerines for me each night! I'm so lucky!

Dad:

For being supportive enough to sponsor a gym membership to get my butt crackin'!

June:

For being honest in telling me that I look fat in clothes that I potentially want to add to my wardrobe.

Ian:

For yelling and growling at me whenever I almost put something fattening into my mouth. I hate it, but I'm grateful. Hehe!

Philip:

For accepting wholeheartedly and lovingly exactly how I am and supporting my weight loss regime even though you think I do not need it. I love you, P.

Fred:

For telling June to tell me what exercises I should do. I'm touched by your effort, even though I may seem shy about it.

Cuz Kelz:

For offering to take me shopping and giving heaping spoonfuls of advice on new wardrobe possibilities. I was very touched by your warmth.

Su Lyn:

For suggesting we go eat at an organic food restaurant despite having only RM20 to spare for lunch. I know that organic food is not cheap and I thank you for being so kind.

Su Lyn, Nor Izyan, Shubes:

For keeping my battle in mind when choosing restaurants for lunch. I know you were all starving and had to walk all over the place for nearly 20 minutes but I was incredibly touched and grateful for your kindness.

Darren:

For looking deeper than skin and for being frank when you need to. You are a great example of a great friend.

Where For Art Thou Dog?

Now Playing : "In This Diary" - The Ataris

I don't want to sound negative and pessimistic but, I still haven't found DeeDee and quite frankly, I don't think we'll ever see her again.

The last time she ran out the gate and got lost we were lucky--she had wandered into a nearby house which was empty at that time. That made her easier to find and to bring her home. Most of all, we--including that dumb dog--were lucky because being trapped in that house, she was safe.

This time, thanks to an inconsiderate neighbor, she's out in the unsafe world again...and this time I highly doubt she got herself trapped in an empty house again. I've covered all the surrounding neighborhoods searching for her multiple times and it's just frustrating how one old-partially deaf-partially blind dog can cover so much distance within the span of two hours (this was the initial search)!

I'll keep on looking, but if I don't ever see the first dog that I've ever owned again, I can only pray that I never see her lying in the middle of the road as roadkill. My heart would just shatter in a million pieces to see my beautiful, kind, old, energetic and loving dog end her long life as an accident.

DeeDee

LOST

Spitz mix, 13 years human age, female

Answers to the name "DeeDee"

Very friendly and never bites

107 Reasons Why I Am Dieting

Now Playing : "One Last Chance" - James Morrison

I came across this brilliant post while I was planning tomorrow's breakfast, tonight. Someone had listed down 100 reasons why she was dieting and that prompted me to wonder exactly how many days have I been dieting myself? A quick count and I totalled up the days to 107 days, which I started in October of last year. It has been, so far, a slow yet progressive 107 days with 25 pounds lost thus far and now I present you with my list of 107 reasons--in no particular order whatsoever--why I am dieting.

I am dieting because...

1. I want to be healthier.
2. I want to look healthier.
3. I want to eat healthier.
4. I want to see the slim version of myself before I die, not from decomposition but from weight-loss and exercise.
5. I want people to stop calling me "fatty".
6. I want to be myself for REAL.
7. I want to have better self-esteem.
8. I want to have confidence!
9. I want to stop feeling ashamed of myself.
10. I don't want to be afraid to put up my hand.
11. I don't want to be afraid of volunteering.
12. I want people to see that I am beautiful on the outside too.
13. I want to stop being overlooked because of my weight.
14. I want to stop being the fattest person among my friends.
15. I want to stop being the only fat person in a room.
16. I want to stop being the only fat person in my family.
17. I want to stop being the only fat person in an elevator.
18. I want to stop being the fattest person in a store.
19. I want to be slimmer than some of my friends. (Or at least more in shape)
20. I want clothes that fit.
21. I want to stop ignoring all the fabulous clothes.
22. I want to stop having to shop at the large sizes section.
23. I want to dress more feminine.
24. I want to wear dresses.
25. I want to wear colors other than black.
26. I want nice, sexy bras.
27. I don't want to keep on being forced to buy ugly, unsexy, large bras.
28. I want to be able to shop at lingerie stores.
29. I want to throw away my one and only scuba-like swim suit.
30. I want to be able to wear a regular swim suit.
31. Heck, I want to be able to fit into a bikini and not look like a walrus.
32. I want to be able to fit into all those "incentive clothes" that I bought over the years but never could fit still.
33. I want to be able to fit into the non-incentive clothes.
34. I want to stop having to say "these don't fit".
35. I want a whole new wardrobe.
36. I don't want to dread buying clothes.
37. I want to stop feeling depressed when I go clothes shopping.
38. I want to be able to buy a lot of clothes when I go on holidays.
39. I want to not worry if I have flab poking out from under my clothes.
40. I want to be able to buy and wear heels without worrying my weight will break the heels.
41. I want to stop being envious of all the slim and/or skinny girls around me.
42. I want to be able to bend down to touch my toes.
43. I want to be able to cross my legs like a woman.
44. I don't want to sit down have have rings around my waist.
45. I want to be able to sit down and tie my shoelaces without having my air cut off.
46. I want to be able to climb a lot of stairs without panting.
47. I don't want my feet to ache after an hour of walking.
48. I don't want to ever have to keep taking rests at another day at Disneyland.
49. I want to be able to live up to my Golden years.
50. I want to be free of health complications I could have easily avoided.
51. I don't want my doctor to tell me that I've got high blood pressure.
52. I want my doctor to tell me that my "blood pressure that's a little on the high side" has become normal.
53. I don't want to end up like my grandparents.
54. I don't want to end up like my uncle.
55. I don't want to keep on running to the doctor for anything and everything.
56. I want to stop falling sick so often.
57. I want to go back to the time when I never fell sick.
58. I want to be able to wear my engagement/wedding ring that doesn't need to be resized.
59. I want to fit a wedding dress that I can breathe in.
60. I don't want to be someone's fat girlfriend or someone's fat wife.
61. I don't want to be larger than my boyfriend.
62. I don't want to be heavier than my boyfriend.
63. I want to wear clothes smaller than what my boyfriend wears.
64. I want to be able to fit into my boyfriend's shirts and sleep in them.
65. I don't want to have to remind my dad to shoot me if I ever became obese.
66. I want to make endless junk food a thing of the past.
67. I want to make fast food not as a first option of a meal but as a contemplated weekend treat.
68. I want to be able to dance and not look like a whale.
69. I want to be able to bike around a corner and not worry about falling over.
70. I want to feel comfortable being naked in the bedroom.
71. I want to have wild, hot sex with my boyfriend.*ahem*
72. I want to be able to dress nicely for my boyfriend.
73. I want to dress sexily for my boyfriend.
74. I want my boyfriend to be proud of me.
75. I want to make a nice impression on my boyfriend's family and not as "his tubby girlfriend".
76. I don't want to be discriminated at the workplace.
77. I don't want to be discriminated at job interviews.
78. I don't want to be discriminated.
79. I don't want my mum to keep on worrying.
80. Despite his encouragement, I also want my dad to stop making fun.
81. I want to stop envying my sister so badly.
82. I don't want Ian to follow my footsteps.
83. I want to stop wasting my life away in self-pity.
84. I want to be more proactive.
85. I want to be more active.
86. I want to stop being lazy.
87. I want to stop fearing the world.
88. I want to feel comfortable looking at people in the eye.
89. I want to do something for the community.
90. I want to learn how to accept criticism.
91. I want the mood-swings to stop.
92. I don't want the depression to come back.
93. I want to be happy.
94. I don't want anymore stretch marks.
95. I want to stop having pudgy toes.
96. I want to stop having pudgy fingers.
97. I only want one chin.
98. I don't want to look pregnant when I'm not.
99. I want to be one of those slim, pregnant women when I decide to have kids.
100. I don't want my kids ending up like me.
101. I don't want to keep having to buy new pillows to replace the flat ones.
102. I want to be able to look at a weighing scale and smile.
103. I want to be able to share a chair with someone and not have my ass take up 3/4 of the chair.
104. I want to be in photographs.
105. I don't want to resort to "myspace" photo taking techniques.
106. I want mosquitoes to stop biting me for my "sweeter blood".
107. I am worth it.

Wow. 

Making lists can be very therapeutic for me. I guess now you know me a little better. :)