Renewal

Now Playing : "Human" - The Killers

I didn't plan this. Not at all.

But I knew this the moment I woke up today; I needed a renewal of myself.

I had shrivelled into an invisible shell where I found myself not able to do anything except wallow in sorrow from separation and using verbal means of expressing that. 

So today, I decided enough was enough. I miss him terribly but I was going to stop letting that control me each day. I still love you though, P ;)

But it didn't feel complete. It wasn't transformational enough. I didn't want to lose myself, mind you, but I needed to break open this shell I'm trapped in and the only way I knew how was firstly to change the music I was listening to.

I pledge not to listen to classical and jazz so much for the remainder of this month.

Then I downloaded the likes of Ne-Yo, Rihanna, Metro Station and Estelle...and even Britney Spears. They've been on loop ever since. 

I started to feel a little more upbeat.

Renewing myself didn't end there. Today I had to ferry my mother to the hairdresser's and hadn't the slightest plan to let them touch my hair. Then I decided for a trim to get rid of the split ends.

As I placed myself in their chair, a feeling of an overwhelming desire to do something spontaneous came over me. I peered at myself in the mirror and there it was...my long hair. My comfort zone. 

Then I decided this was it. I needed it gone.

It wasn't an easy decision. Despite its six month old perm growing out and its less than healthy shiny complexion, I still loved it because it still made me feel beautiful when I decided it did. But it was also holding me back and ultimately, its dullness was pulling me along with it.

I've always wanted short hair. I promised myself I would when I got rid of the flab.

So, snip snip.

It worked. I felt great instantly. So much that the moment I got home, I slapped on some make up, put on something I haven't worn out in awhile and bolted out the door.

I feel good now. I feel renewed.

Not such a glam picture, but it'll do for now.