Looking Back : One Heck of a Year

Now Playing : "Everlong" - Foo Fighters

This post took a year in the making.

Today marks a year I've been working at improving my life. A year ago today, I started on the gargantuan task of ridding myself of what has bothered me most my whole life; my weight; for all the reasons stated here.

...And now, with an excited yet wary heart, I finally ease my tight grip to share some from my personal pictorial weight-loss diary which consists what I've always been terrified of showing people; pictures of my fat self. Pictures of my fat, ugly self. Pictures that I've never ever shown even Phil for unfounded fear of him being slightly appalled (even though he long established that would never happen). Pictures of which I can't stand to look at for very long without being totally disgusted with myself for having been that way. Pictures that I force myself to look at whenever I get discouraged from toiling on. These pictures have been the source of my inspiration, my constant reminder of what I was and what I should not allow myself to be any longer. These pictures are also minute in number, as shunning the blinding light was second nature.

The pictures below were taken progressively (in order) over a period of a year, nearly all pictures being of a different month. They say, never ask a woman her age and weight. I'll be turning 23 in eleven days, and I don't give a crap about it. Without further adieu...

Please don't wrinkle your faces in horror :(

September 2007. 178lbs.

My cousins and I.

A turning point in my life which spearheaded me into my weight loss in the following month.

October 2007. 178lbs.

The last birthday I would ever (want to) spend obese.

Toy pig is an coincidental yet ironic symbolization.

December 2007. 160lbs.

Christmas party at home w/ friends.

Was personally shocked and appalled by my whale-ish physique here.

February 2008. 145lbs.

Chinese New Year.

Was happy I could get new clothes that fit and no longer needed (or wanted) to hide behind black. Still low in style, however.

February 2008.

At the Switchfoot concert.

 Did not rush to press the camera's delete button in a long time.

April 2008. 130lbs.

Uni mates luncheon at Italiannies.

Was extremely happy to have a whole bunch of pictures where I was really pleased with how I looked. Was a total camwhore.

Unknown month.

With cousin Kelz at the movies. 

Hated my rotund midsection protruding out in this shirt unlike as previously thought. It promptly went into temporary storage. 

Still in storage, infact.

April 2008.

At university on our last day.

Hate. That. Chubby. Arm.

June 2008. 127.5lbs.

At parents' 25 Yr Anniversary. 

Wardrobe growing more colorful. Yellow may have been too ambitious, however.

Can still see big stomach from underneath.

August 2008. 120lbs.

At my graduation. 

Was pretty pleased with myself despite falling 10 pounds short of original goal.

August 2008.

Florida trip.

Weight fluctuated like a see-saw, went up to 128lbs while there from too much good food. Thank god it didn't show...except in tummy :(

October 2008. 119.5lbs.

Now.

Weight hasn't budged for two months. 

Fortunately, still get to buy new additions to growing wardrobe.

Still. Hate. That. Arm.

Last night.

Pigged out the whole day. >_<

Pretty darn happy with this picture (only because arm hides...)

Finally wearing a white top, the color used to be most forbidden.

It's not over. 

I still have 10 more pounds to go. Unfortunately, it's not actually going anywhere. I'm stuck. The prospect of losing three pounds by my birthday seems unattainable. I wonder if I can get it to bloody move by the time Christmas swings by. 

And please, don't say I don't need to lose anymore.